Balqis's New Life Ahead

Girl, we're so happy to see your face lit up with joy when you’re around your newly wedded husband on your special day. May Allah showers you both in well being, always. And most importantly, be on your best behaviour, okay? Hee, love you Bal!

♥

How Bizarre

I wrote in a long time ago, back when I had my heart torn to pieces by someone who I thought was going to be there for much longer than he was. It was quite a few depressing entries, full of sadness and heartbreak which by now I've deleted them all. Well, I never forget to save myself from the oldtime embarassment. I can remember exactly how I felt as I poured out my aching soul with unspoken words in here, secretly wished that things could get better. Funny how things changed in time. Looking back now, I really should've listened to everyone's advice of how time heals all wounds. It seemed easier to just be cynical and want to be left alone in my pain. Imagine my surprise when one day that pain slowly started to go away. Like a wound fading into a scar, my sad self slowly started to fade and I became me again. I was finally letting myself be happy. A restlessness has made a home out of all my what ifs and could haves, it's a part of me that I am now willing to accept. There used to be so much pain within me. The emptiness lingers inside of me, like a strong perfume leaving its fragrance. The only thing I felt was a void that's never going to get filled. An absence that caused my chest to feel the pain that I tried hard to bury deep inside.

Until he came into my life. This plain ordinary guy suddenly became extraordinary. He started to give me all those sparks I thought I'd never feel again and eventually my scarred heart attracted to him. Call it another typical happy beginning, but being with him is like every amazing feeling I've ever felt rolled into one. I'm happy, so freaking happy. There is something else I am which is hard to admit though. I am so scared. Scared of hurting again. More scared if he doesn't feel the same flicker of emotions as I do, or he never will or intends to. My broken heart healed itself around him. To the point I feel like I can't peacefully live a day without talking to him, which kinda prove that his presence is my sweet addiction now. In all honesty, I don't even know him very well. He seems all funny and happy. But I crave more, like his deepest fears, his gloomy kind of days, his messy thoughts and worries, his own reason to ever cry. Is this love? Oh dear, perhaps it is way too soon to admit it. But all those pleasant thoughts and tangled emotions I have for him are frozen still when I started wondering to myself, "will he sticks around after he sees the worst me?"

 ♥

What Rules Again...?

This is crazy. I remember how I used to have a self-rule of not involving myself with any stranger from online dating site, nor meet them in real life all by myself. But I broke it today. Just thought this could be the chance since my parents weren't home and I don't need to answer all the typical questions a mother would ask in details. It's unnecessary and yeah, I'd like to avoid that. So we met in Bangi Gateway as agreed, my hands were trembling right when I took a seat at my favourite place, waiting for someone to come. Then he came and I got shy, but I kept pretending like I'm cool liddat. Eaaaaasy now. It was nothing much actually, we sat, we ate, played chess for 4 rounds and sneaked a few glances towards each other's eyes. I started thinking he looks good. Blue jeans with black top, just like what I wore.  A new haircut that he got yesterday was a bonus sight for me. He walked side by side with me to upstairs, went to DIY and bought few things. Took a quick smell of his neck, accidentally, believe me. Well I'm not sorry 'cause umph, he smells good. But then we parted our ways and drove home separately. Tsk! I want more of this. You know how stupid I was, that I forgot to take a picture of us together as a memory that I wanted to keep in here. All I have is this mango juice that he bought for me which doesn't taste good at all, but I still keep only the bottle. That'll do.

♥

Honeybee

These thoughts unflattering, all up in my heads again. I don't like myself most when you got slightly hurt by my wrong choice of words. It all came out wrong. I swear my intention was to make you realize how unique you are to me. Physical appearances are no longer a priority as they're all mortal, plus you're one of those men who look better in real eyes. Your way of thinking and your overall personality is what makes me stay the nights. That's all that matters. Your attractive smiles, your evil laughs, cute lips, stupid jokes, your hopeful words that be the reason why I couldn't wait for tomorrow and started wishing you're all mine to treasure. I shall embrace you in my heart, 'cause the chemistry between you and me is too much to just ignored. So glad to know someone like you. Eventhough you could be such a great pain in the ass sometimes.

♥