How Bizarre

I wrote in a long time ago, back when I had my heart torn to pieces by someone who I thought was going to be there for much longer than he was. It was quite a few depressing entries, full of sadness and heartbreak which by now I've deleted them all. Well, I never forget to save myself from the oldtime embarassment. I can remember exactly how I felt as I poured out my aching soul with unspoken words in here, secretly wished that things could get better. Funny how things changed in time. Looking back now, I really should've listened to everyone's advice of how time heals all wounds. It seemed easier to just be cynical and want to be left alone in my pain. Imagine my surprise when one day that pain slowly started to go away. Like a wound fading into a scar, my sad self slowly started to fade and I became me again. I was finally letting myself be happy. A restlessness has made a home out of all my what ifs and could haves, it's a part of me that I am now willing to accept. There used to be so much pain within me. The emptiness lingers inside of me, like a strong perfume leaving its fragrance. The only thing I felt was a void that's never going to get filled. An absence that caused my chest to feel the pain that I tried hard to bury deep inside.

Until he came into my life. This plain ordinary guy suddenly became extraordinary. He started to give me all those sparks I thought I'd never feel again and eventually my scarred heart attracted to him. Call it another typical happy beginning, but being with him is like every amazing feeling I've ever felt rolled into one. I'm happy, so freaking happy. There is something else I am which is hard to admit though. I am so scared. Scared of hurting again. More scared if he doesn't feel the same flicker of emotions as I do, or he never will or intends to. My broken heart healed itself around him. To the point I feel like I can't peacefully live a day without talking to him, which kinda prove that his presence is my sweet addiction now. In all honesty, I don't even know him very well. He seems all funny and happy. But I crave more, like his deepest fears, his gloomy kind of days, his messy thoughts and worries, his own reason to ever cry. Is this love? Oh dear, perhaps it is way too soon to admit it. But all those pleasant thoughts and tangled emotions I have for him are frozen still when I started wondering to myself, "will he sticks around after he sees the worst me?"

 ♥