Odds

Can I have it all? I'm starting to be greedy. Selfish desire for him starts to rob my inner peace. It's not an obsession, right? I am not obsessed over him, I just don't wanna lose him. But the facts that I could easily let people go by mistake and the odds that he doesn't feel the same love as I do, are making me can't even sit still. Perhaps I should just worry less, like letting things flow its way, and don't even start begging or look desperate. Stop imagining a future with him, stop hoping he does the same, stop getting jealous. Most importantly stop being a pusher! Maybe I should purposely avoid talking to him for few times, be the sensible me again. Yeah I'm going to do that, hit the sack earlier than usual would save me from the guilt. Hmm. I wish, whenever I run out things to say, he'd be the kind of person who would just randomly say words that could calm down my thoughts and give assurance that nothing bad is gonna happen. Honest and sincere words, instead of pick-up lines on purpose. 'Cause I often overthink.

Anyway, did I write about the day I drove back from Semenyih to Jeram alone? Err yeah, that actually happened for the first time. My coward-ass can't even believe it but yeah. 'Cause the previous night before it happened, my mind weighed a lot with thoughts of "to do or not to do". I ended up driving back at 7 am, and praying that I wouldn't bump to any road block. When I safely arrived, the situation was like I just won a huge award or something. My parents welcomed me home with grateful eye smiles. Funny. Now don't you underestimate me, Mama. Heh. So basically I was back here again and I hope it's only until 6 Dec, last day of CMCO. Please don't extend it any longer, I wanna go home, wanna meet my friends :( Lots of catching up session to do. I just got the news that Balqis is pregnant! Guess all the 'first night techniques' she shared with all of us before really worth it. Hahaha!

♥