Overreact

It's raining tonight, as it's always been like the previous nights. 10.00 pm has already be my favourite time of the night 'cause I get to feel closer to him, see his captivated cheeky smiles, listen to his blabbermouth. It's the least thing we can do for now. We talked everyday, the old me had always thought this kind of routine was a bore thing to do. But with him, I don't know how he does it, surprisingly he makes everything fun, and I feel like it's not enough. I've been wanting to say it, but I waited instead, to see if it's not just a foul feeling. Of all nights we've talked, I think tonight was a direct flick to my heart and my mind. He did mention before about his intention to study abroad, but the excitement he had on his face while telling me about it tonight just a bit different than before. I was like "that's great! you're gonna make it" yet I'm worried, scared, and sad. I worry if his dream really comes true, he's gonna be far away from me and I...he...Well he's definitely gonna forget about me slowly. It's human nature I guess. People usually would settle for something new something better. That makes me think again, it's an honor to know his dreams, every little thing he favors, every detailed plan he makes.

Plan, his future planning that doesn't seem to involve me at all. Now I see. How can I miss that important clue. Perhaps it's the hormone thingy, I just ended up staring at the ceiling, searching for a song to comfort my thoughts, and started crying. I wanna ask him every lingering questions that seem to bother me, but I'm embarrassed of myself, of my silly way of thinking. I mean, I can't wait for him that long, but I'm so scared of losing him, but this is like a reminder to myself that it's gonna hurt me someday, and I have to be ready for it, now or never. Hmm. I don't know what future holds, but it's okay. I did prayed for him to easily climb up the ladder he wants and live a life he yearns for. Even I'm not a part of it, I promise I'll be happy as long he's happy. Hope everything goes as he planned. Hope in every outcome, I'll be fine and strong.

♥