"Guess what, I'm stucked in Kampung for almost three weeks 'cause apparently we're facing the third wave of Covid19 and now back to CMCO, again. Everyone's struggling, yep. I just don't understand why people with power and high positions didn't really take their responsibilities well, right the wrongs. Hm, politicians are indeed exasperating. Anyway. I'm not that happy nor sad to live here in a new house with my parents. I understand well of a saying "a home is not a place, but rather the people you love". I kinda disagreed. All I remember is our only one home. The place where basically memories of growing up with my siblings and got scolded by our parents been forged. The place where I woke up late in the morning and ran downstairs to see if the people I love is going anywhere. The place where I'd rather be in gloomy days, especially when I was battling within myself. Smells of my room, my own space where I could be myself without any harsh judgement. I mean, I don't like to stay in a new place, it doesn't feel good enough. I don't know if it's the weather, or the empty spaces that supposedly to be filled by my siblings but they're not here and can't be here. I just wanna go home, really."
That was my draft 3 days ago. I'm actually home now since Saturday, alone. Feel sucks 'cause no one's here. I've actually cried all night yesterday, overthinking stuffs like what if I really ended up being alone. What if someday people I love, like my parents for example, been taken away from me forever. What if my siblings stop giving a damn about me and live their own lives to the fullest. I'm scared. I'm so scared. If those happen, I might actually do anything to end my own life 'cause that'll be the most devastating state I would be in. Hmm. Even writing it all now make my eyes teary. Well, fine. Home is the people you love, also, the place where you grew up in. Agreed with that? Okay good. Anyway, I've actually decided to stay in the company and basically today is my first day as a permanent staff. A weekend though. Alright now, I'm thinking to just keep this job for at least another 6 months. Or until Covid19 truly ends, then that's it.
♥
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