Last Letter

No more stupid excuses that can be made now, that was the very last text I sent to him. That should be enough to let he know how thankful I am for his help before, and also for everything. It's been really nice knowing you Ariz. Though it's really impossible for you to read my blog, all those posts that I mostly wrote about you (which by now I've deleted them all), but with your existence in my life even just for a while, you made me feel deep in love again. Like there was finally hope for something new, something better. But I guess I am who I am. Still can't change the fact that I could hardly believed any guy I met. Couldn't stop being complicated, being afraid of getting hurt, getting dumped, and been ignored. Because, oh God, I loved you like crazy. I hated when you weren't there with me. I missed you all the time. I got jealous when I saw you hit the like button on some other girls' photos on instagram (yeah I know that was absurd). It sucks to wait for your calls for hours, and falled asleep when I was mad at you for not be there and just talk to me. Not much that I asked for. But maybe it was my fault too for putting all the blames on you. I said stupid things without thinking much and now here we are, being nothing like two strangers. Guess I don't see what you were struggling with. Guys could get hurt too hah. I forgot that, I'm sorry. You meant everything to me and in your heart I'd like to stay. But all that I've done was hurting you. So. Won't shake your feelings again. Won't stalk your twitter and play hide and seek again. Won't save your number anymore. Won't write about you anymore. Won't make any move on you anymore. I'll stay away from you forever.

For every 4th January of more years to come, happy birthday Ariz.

Love, Alynn ♥