A Night Alone

I never thought he would be the reason behind my tears dropped down my cheeks. Last night was the second time. The first one happened while we're on honeymoon, after we failed to have sex and he just walked away leaving me naked alone on bed. This time he refused to sleep in a same bed with me. Am I that disgusting to him? I don't know but what I know is he'd rather slept alone and I ain't that important to him. I started questioning that maybe I chose wrong, maybe this life is the wrong one for me. My feelings are valid and all I wanted was to go back home for a while, to see my lovely ones cuz I miss them so much. Life's been so tiring, work's been pressuring me up for self growth. I just need to have some play times with my Aysar and Adel. All because the fact that they love me no matter what, is what boost my self confidence, what makes me want to try harder and be better. Little pure souls are different than us, they had no idea how tough the world outside is, and how full of flaws myself is. Unknowingly, I already get used to run my way back to them to find peace in mind for a short while. But let's talk about what I feel now, is all disappointment, and lack of love towards the person I supposed to love wholeheartedly. It hasn't been a month yet we've already had arguments and cold silence for a couple times now. How do you think we're gonna last long like our parents'? No, we won't. Someday I will get used to being hurt, and comfort my own self. Someday he will get used to being hurt too, and walk away at times I need him most. I really don't see how our marriage gonna last long. If marriage and love could hurt this bad, perhaps someday I should go. I'd rather live a single life alone, cuz there's absolutely no way I would make myself cry, and I always gonna have my back no matter what. I have this thought that I was at fault too, for giving my whole self to somebody who knows how fragile I am, who knows how he affects me most. So you know what I should do from now on? Stop giving myself away!