Tell me what's worse than losing a job, fighting with your parents, breaking up with your lover, witnessing your exes getting engaged and whatnot. This is by far the worse condition I've ever faced and now I'm doing what I know best; distance myself away from everyone. I locked myself in my room, I turned off my phone and enjoy every movies, believing that it might lure my mind away from my problems for a while. But as today comes, I realized it wasn't a good thing to do, but I'm helpless and I just wanted to be alone. So my brain can't really differentiate the good and the bad things at the moment. But again, who cares. I'm tired of being myself who's too hard to understand, too hard to handle at times. Sometimes I wonder if I blamed on the right people for the right reason, or if it's all just because of a hormone thingy, or me being ego. But if you ask me now, I did put blames on the right people for the right reason. There's no changing of perception for that. The only thing that's changing now is my heart, starting to feel like I have to apologize in order to put things back in order, despite whatever I felt, even if I was the right one. Sigh. I typed all these in speed but I stopped for a second and whispered to myself "what the hell...?". I know, I know, you wouldn't understand anyway. But thank you for keep on reading. And I'm sorry for being such a burden throughout our process of knowing each other. The best thing I can assure you now is there will be no turning back.
♥
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