Hey. I swear I've promised myself to write a December post earlier, but I couldn't stop myself from procrastinated. So here it is. One day left for another whole new year, and I figured out that I will get rid of all the pictures of the guys I was in love with. Urm, yeah I'm a loser for still keeping those stuffs, I know I shouldn't and I'm about to correct my wrongdoing now. You know, I'm quite a sentimental person and it's kinda hard for me to do this. And, and my hidden purpose is actually I'm not gonna keep the memories inside my laptop anymore, I'll keep them in here instead hahaha ! Okay enough with the mukadimah, let's start!
Afif Aiman Bin Abdul Malik. We've been in the same primary school before and I used to know only his name, and that he's anak ustazah. Didn't even say hi to each other. Stepped up to high school in 2007, still the same school but different classes. Didn't give a damn about him, about how he quit school 'cause he moved to London with his family, and start living there for like 3 years. Then he came back in the middle of 2010 if I'm not mistaken. Sat in the same class, he started talking to me first and confessed few months later. So yeah, that's how we happened. Even after years passed me by, all I can remember about him, is how gentle he was. Not only to me, but to people around him too. And cats also. All in all, he's almost perfect. But...when I considered him as the only choice I have and the only guy I set my eyes on, he just didn't feel the same. It seemed to me like, he was elated, knowing the fact that there were good girls out there lining up for him and that he only had to pick any of them if things didn't work with me. So I called it quit.
Muhammad Haziq Bin Abdul Aziz. 2013, Penang Matriculation College. Been in the same lectures as both of us were from praktikum H4. I didn't remember when, but I remember how I first saw him. It was just like in the movies. I saw him in slow motion, head down, walked into the lecture hall with his black attire from head to toe, noises around me became a sudden silent for a quick moment, and when his head's up, I whispered to myself "not bad". The next days, I would always set my eyes on the moment he entered the lecture hall and that was only it, 'cause he was like a mysterious kind of guy and I kinda attracted to him. Right before final exam in the 2nd semester, Akmal and the rest of guys in my class told me that Haziq liked me. I was really surprised as that was the first time ever, my crush liked me back. So then we happened but not for too long. As time passed till we ended our matric days, he slowly changed from someone who loved me, to someone who wanted to walk away from me as soon as he could. Because...his feelings faded away and until today, I'm still not sure what might be the reason he dumped me and his entire old friends as well.
Muhammad Ariz Bin Abdul Rahim. The senior in my degree days. Never met him in person even we joined the same event in the same place before. 2015, knew him in instagram as he kindly pm me, but as days passed by, we became friends. He was nice, gave me useful advices whenever I needed it. He confessed when I know I was already in love with him. So that's when this complicated love happened. I was always shut people out when I felt down, and I did it once to him. I'm not gonna lie, I know he was really sad since then. We were on and off, for like 2 to 3 times within two years. I also remember how I acted, how he acted, how we loved each other, but it was too complicated. But the last thing I remember was the moment he sent a text to me on my working day "alynn, it's not working", and how I broke down to tears in the toilet, tried to convince him to stay. Because as far as I concerned, I was serious on making us work again. But then you know, no one can keep a man who doesn't want to be kept. I lost my grip, so I let him slip. So now, we're nothing but two strangers. And surprisingly, he's got someone to replace me already. That was quick.
No doubt I had a several pretty unpredictable years. You know how people always wish for a better new year on new year's eve, and majority of them still complain it sucked at the end of the year. Every single time. I wish for the same thing, hoping that next year would be better than 2017 and even better than years before, but at the same time I'm thankful for all the good little things that happened throughout the year. Memories were made and will never be forgotten. Mistakes were made, different challenges, problems were faced and lessons learned. All I can say is, it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, and it's coming to an end. Well not really, of course there's still next year. So buckle up guys, life is full of ups and downs, always expect the unexpected. Oh, and let's pray for me to lose some weight now. Gotta fit back into my old jeans.
♥
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