Pain of loss is indescribable. There were times when the numbness and sorrow comes sweeping over me, leaving me silently sobbing into my own hands. I never intend to be in this state of mind, playing back the old memories in repeat, reminiscing the warm existence of someone that I used to love. "We could've been together if I wasn't the one with problems". That's the only regret that have been possessing my peace of mind all this time. Heaven knows that I've tried but I never can seem to fix the worst in me. I was a failure, a disappointment to those I loved once. I wanted him to be the one who stayed but there was nothing I could say or a song to give, for his mind to change. I refused to expose my sadness and my longing, or even begged him to come back 'cause nothing can mend what's helpless. I kept some of him inside my heart, moving forward with a hope that he pulled me back in and, I don't know, probably walk through a dream together. But nothing seems to work quite like it should. Now seeing him with somebody else in a white dress, I can see that this is over. I shall take the fall and the pain for as long his smiles stay forever, though I'm not the one who make him happy any longer. It's bitter, but I'm trying my best to be okay, and holding my breath until I can say what I wanted to say. I just want to feel real love, to own a soul I can call home. But, do I even deserve a shred of worth or am I just another fucked up lost cause?
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