Darkness

I kept too much emotions inside my heart for too long. Too many hurtful reasons. And that's why it exploded right away. Well, me exploded with tears and depression. I'm never good in expressing what I feel through words actually. All I know is keeping the piles up inside and tell myself that it's okay. But it's totally not okay. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not this kind of person who cries all day long, I know I'm stronger than this person right now. Mama came into my room yesterday. While I tried not to cry and hold myself together, but in the end I cried in her warm embrace. I know I shouldn't but I don't know how that happened. Her words made me cry harder but still, they were the most comforting words I ever heard. I was actually feeling down and very disappointed of myself that I locked myself in my room and didn't eat for 5 days straight. Gosh, she was so worried sick about me. At first, yeah, I kinda blame everyone. But that only lasted for seconds. The rest of the days, I hated myself. I wished I could be braver, smarter and dependable like everyone else. Long sigh. I've apologised to mama and that was truly embarassing because I cried again, in front of her and Ayah too. Ugh dammit! Please do better now Alynn. Be happy from now on.

♥