Love Me Harder

 

Alhamdulillah, on 4th June, I'm officially married to this amazing man here, Muhammad Syazwan Bin Safari. I'm more than happy with the decoration, hand bouquet, my nikah outfit, how my family looks pretty and handsome, the good food and all, except for my suddenly swollen left eye, and my ruined makeups as the day went hotter. I just deeply hope that the photos and videos turn out well and as good as I expected. I hope I don't look ugly in it. But no worries, my husband looks so handsome, as usual. Woah, now that saying 'my husband', it feels kinda weird but in a good way. I love him most, and I'm so very thankful to my whole family for making this day as beautiful as it supposed to be. Though got some hiccups here and there, but with their help, things just got better. My very close friends came to my wedding, not so many and I'd understand. 'Cuz Jeram is way too far from wherever they're staying. Yet only those who knows they're important to me, had come. Now that I'm someone's wife, gotta carry this huge responsibilities well. No more going out alone, or having the entire space that I needed. I guess.

We had our reception day on 5th June, on his side. Had to say it was overwhelming to stand and walk to the crowds. Be the center of attention. If I had a choice, I would've run away and refused to do that. His family is so big, so beautiful and so much in another level compared to mine myself. The thoughts of 'am I deserve to be a part of them' started eating me inside, hence the sudden clumsy and moody self coming out. That was then, but now I'm scared, I'm sad and worried, cuz I'm going to lose myself to someone else. By the time you're reading this now, I'm currently on a honeymoon with Syazwan. The first night we've been husband and wife, he kissed me good. Lucky I was on my period and I am still, we only spent the nights cuddling together. It was so nice. Once or twice we would've woke up in the middle of the night and started cuddling and kissing. One most important thing that I'm not ready yet is to lose my virginity. And it's going to happen probably tonight. Ugh I'm scared but I know he's very good with all the touching in bed! So good that I unknowingly starting to ask for more. If it happens tonight, I'll definitely write about it tomorrow. 

♥ 

A Little Rush That's Not Too Much

It's quite stressful to plan a wedding, I was thinking to just do the bare minimum but I changed my mind. Like, I want my once in a lifetime wedding turns out beautiful. Hence I been focusing and hoping that flower decorations and every little details meet my expectations. But I also don't want to get my hopes high, scared might disappoint myself. I haven't finalized my wedding theme yet, that'll have to discuss with the vendor a month before the date. Now pending vendors to search for henna, hand bouquet, wedding cake, and wedding reception attire. We also haven't buy rings and settle the forms yet. We're almost there, got 2 months more, that should be enough time for us to complete everything. May Allah ease.

Oh, all praise to Him, I got new job offer and I already accepted it about last week. I swear I didn't expect this good news after I screwed up in the interview session with them. They gave me 2 case studies and I couldn't do the forecasting one as I never done it before. They offered 33% salary increment after few times of negotiation. Weird, at first they informed me they set a 4-5k budget for that position, and they offered me only rm200 increment in the beginning. After several calls and explanation why I demand for higher, finally they agreed. Both the new company and DKSH agreed to let me serve for 1.5 months, and the new company will buy me out for 0.5. So I'll be tied up to financial bond with the new company for 6 months. As usual, I'm already nervous and excited, so I keep on praying harder so my Lord will help me whenever I need Him. 

♥