Fourth Month

Things have been unpredictably...good, since my last post that sounds so down. So, about my intention to resign few weeks ago, I haven't do it yet. It's probably just me procrastinate things, or perhaps I took mom's words into consideration. She adviced me to keep it together for at least until end of April, simply said to make it seems like a 6 months contract. Besides, my cousin already stay together with me here at the condo. I can say that I'm no longer surrounded by loneliness as bad as before. So thank God for that. What else? Guess there's nothing much to say. I'll keep you update later. See ya! Oh before that, please pray for me, so that I can endure all kinds of tough tasks, petty people and gloomy days. I hope I no longer feel like giving up. And also, I'm trying to be a better person now. Failed few times, yet I didn't give up. It's truly hard to totally get rid of bad habit, but I won't stop trying. Hiks, okay then! May this month be a good one for ya!

♥

Third Month

Whoaaa, I haven't write since a month ago. Don't know how to respond to that. Anyway, it's my third month now, andddddddd I feel like giving up already I'm serious. I've been thinking, and I guess I'll be submitting my resignation letter this Tuesday, before I go for outstation meeting on Wednesday. It's such a waste, it really is. 'Cause I had fun learning new things, it's just that I don't like the working environment there. Had to deal with ladies, chinese mostly. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being racist. But apparently I couldn't get along really well with ones' behaviour that I don't quite adore. People like me are not much of a talkative person, we observe others' personalities instead. Even after working hours, I couldn't sleep peacefully without worrying about what will happen to me tomorrow and days after that. Sometimes they expect me to know everything, and when I don't, I asked. But when I asked, I got scolded instead. My senior exec has been raising her voice to me quite a few times. What a sicko! And when I did well, no one has ever say good job or thank you. Hmm. Okay enough of that, let's just say I'm not happy working there. What I've decided now isn't something that I'm proud of. Feels like I'm a failure 'cause I give up so early, but what else can I do. Either way, I still feel useless. It's just that, it's better to feel useless around my source of happiness. 

Sigh. You were right. I am weak.