What A Time

I thought to write on my birthday, but something happened and I guess I have to write it here. I got a chocolate Cadbury with a love letter from someone at work. He's basically telling everyone that he's interested in me. I'm a bit uncomfortable, but well, I just friend with him. Not giving too much of attention or even hope. That doesn't end there. Even few makciks were trying to match me up with their sons, who never make any move on me. Now that's truly burdensome. Heh, like I care. Then a few days ago, the Hi Melati on Twitter was looking for me. It's somebody who provides you a surprise service from the third party. She said that an anonymous would like to give me a ring as a gift, and that she was not in place to break the secret by telling who is it. A bit suspicious to the point that I did some kind of research of the service. Turns out it's real so I gave cooperation that she needed. That's it. I think it's probably M's doing, since he gave me a necklace before. But when I think again, no, it wasn't him, judging the way we ended up fighting before.

Okay, now is the big time bombshell for me, and for whoever read this. My long gone ex-boyfriend Haziq came back into my life again. It took me by surprise to see that he requested to follow me on Instagram and started to say hi again. Well, I actually tried to do it once ago, but then I retreat my move. Do you know what's the worst thing that I never expect to happen, but it still happened? He read my blog this entire time! He read everything, including the post that I wrote about him. I just...goshhh...I don't know if I'm really stupid or if he's really lucky to find my blog. I don't know how to react on that. I don't know how to express this into words. He even told me not to write about his comeback but I'm still gonna do it, I've changed my link anyway so he will not be able to find it again. He wasn't supposed to know everything! He's probably witnessed every level of my stupidity back in the past. Perhaps he'll think I'm weird, or too hard to deal with, or just plain boring and stupid. Ugh, seriously, it's so embarassing! But apart from that issue, he finally opened up to me about one thing. I can't tell you here, I've promised to keep his secret. But I'm glad that he's fully recovered from it now, and I feel sorry for not knowing and understand his condition before. In spite of everything that happened, we're friends now.

♥

Not All We Thought Were Right

I wonder if maybe this is freedom, a chance for me to keep breathing. Perhaps it's just another lie to put my heart at ease. I spent my evening at the end of July with a close friend, talked over break-ups, work and all that. I think I told her how tired I've gotten, of praying what I wanted, of how I thought that maybe He didn't hear my prayers, that explained why things didn't really go my way these days. Started to lose interest of doa and all I could say I'm close to giving up even on myself. But she said something wise that seemed to be etched in my mind from then onwards. "Whatever happens, teruskan berdoa. You've gotta trust Him dan jangan buruk sangka dengan Allah", I was taken aback actually, 'cause I realized I was wrong. I'm sorry, will shoo away the bad thoughts now, off you go! I have to reboot myself, and build again my own secret garden with high walls that no one could climb it so easily after this. Nope. No more letting myself get hurt again. Though I'm a hundred percent sure that I warned every single guy I met, of how complicated it will be with me. They were okay only in the beginning. No one couldn't stand it right through the end. That's just simply proved that none of them were right for me, or maybe the other way around.

Anyway, so here we are. My birth month is finally here and I can't believe that I'm turning 25 years old soon. Why so fast now, I don't wanna be old! And I just realized that 1st August was a National Girlfriend Day. I mean, since when such thing exist? It was kinda ridiculous but I still celebrated it with my usual girls. We planned to watch Crawl, but all tickets were sold out. Blame the latecomer like us. Improvised the day instead by walking around the mall just to kill time until night appeared. Shopped some girl stuffs, had dinner, took pictures, laughed and laughed, got back in the car to go home. Played several sad songs on our way home that would remind us of our failing lovers, sigh. Opened up what's been hidden in our hearts this whole time. Except for me, I wasn't ready to say anything. I just settled with "I'm fine". I'm done thinking why he didn't at least apologize to me for being rude or give me a proper goodbye text that I deserved. Asshole! What else? Oh I've been driving myself to work everyday since two weeks ago. Kinda scary at first but I found out I'm alright with everything, except that I had to spent more pennies on the petrol and tolls and whatnots. Okay now I finally understand how hard it has been to other people. How am I gonna save a huge amount of money now, damn it! Not enough of that, I still need to decorate my room.

I'm thinking to take a day off on my birthday, but I don't know where to go. Ikea sounds great, but I gotta find somebody to keep me company. Hmm. You know what's stupid? I've been thinking to spend two days celebrating our birthdays together, but things have ended between us, so. I'm feeling sorry to myself.

♥